If your partner is rigid, can’t stick to an agreement, is manipulative, or worse, gets your child involved in an argument between the two of you, these are signs that they may be a narcissist.
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| Co-parenting with a Narcissist. |
Their lack of empathy, constant paternalism, and rigid thoughts and behaviours can be almost impossible to bear.
This can also affect your child’s behaviour and your relationship with him.
How can you deal with this stressful situation?
Here are some ways you can deal with the frustrations of living with a narcissist.
Do not try to change the behaviour of the co-parent
Narcissists don’t know how harmful their behaviour is, and they can’t take criticism.
This makes any attempt to change their problematic behaviour frustrating.
“Accept the situation and don't try to change the narcissistic co-parent.
That's the key to avoiding wasting your energy and setting yourself up for disappointment,” licensed marriage and family therapist Stephanie Macadaan told Parents magazine.
Hold the fort
When you are dealing with a narcissist, he will use every tactic at his disposal, including gaslighting, to hurt or disrespect you.
WebMD says that what they say is more about them than it is about you.
“If you are dealing with a narcissist, make your boundaries clear,” therapist Bisma Anwar told the talk space blog Ask a Therapist.
“For example, if you disagree with something (OK) he's asking you to do, tell him up front and stand firm.
Don’t do this.
Don’t take things personally
It’s easier said than done, but when a narcissistic partner is trying to get a reaction out of you, keep your feelings under control.
As social worker John Carnesecchi explains in Psych Central, it’s important to “think of the relationship as a business relationship and speak only in ‘factual' terms and not express your emotional feelings or share private and personal information”
Create a legal structure
When you establish legal boundaries with your partner, you can be sure that your wishes for your children, such as medical care, vacations, finances, and other matters, will be legally honoured.
In addition to hiring an attorney to create a plan, you can ask a court to appoint someone to determine the best course of action or work with a mediator to communicate with your co-parent.
If you have any conversations or agreements, please keep a record of them.
Don’t get caught up in a drama
It’s hard to win an argument against a narcissist, so WebMD recommends the “Grey Rock Method”: avoid unnecessary discussion by giving clear, unemotional, short answers, not having to explain yourself, and not revealing too much information.
Get the support you need
If you are facing a stressful situation, a network of friends can help you get through difficult times. There are also online groups and message boards with people who are going through the same thing.